when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
