I accidentally had phone sex last night
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
