i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
