Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
