i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
