people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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