ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
