Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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