Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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