She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Enjoy the penises
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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