I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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