I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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