His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
