That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
