went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
