Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
