If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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