yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
