Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
