The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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