Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
