it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
