Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
