I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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