don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
