girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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