...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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