you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
