Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So squirting runs in the family.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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