Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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