And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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