Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
