Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
