Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
