There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
