Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
