My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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