This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
