i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
