When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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