We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
