That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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