Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
