I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think i have two assholes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
