I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
