Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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