things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i barfeds in our rink
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
