pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize