Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
