there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
