I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
